I think I have written before about how sick I have been throughout this pregnancy. Literally the day I hit 6 weeks, I was nauseous. From 6 weeks up until about now, I have felt sick everyday, all day long! It was so miserable! I feel a little guilty saying how miserable I was, because I would go through it all over again for this sweet baby growing inside of me! I am not ungrateful whatsoever, I just never realized what Mama's to be can go through! I would say working full time had made it even harder! There were days when if I had any other job other than teaching I would have taken more days off. I had days where I would stand next to my trash can in my classroom and would dry heave until I would either throw up, or would eventually be able to walk away ( don't worry it never happened when I was with my students, thankfully) It took everything inside of me to not throw up in front of my students. It took lots of cracker eating, candy sucking, ginger ale breaks to keep everything down. Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! is all I can say!
I would talk to my dad almost every night on the phone. He would ask me how I was feeling and I would usually say "Not so good" he said that he can hear that in my voice, and could tell that I just wasn't myself! and it was true, I wasn't myself. I felt like a zombie in my own body, that would only sleep and eat, and go to work, and then would get up and do it all over again the next day. I was in survival mode. I did whatever I had to, to get through the day and once I was home I was done! In my (Bre Cave) as Nick calls it, our bed was the only place where I could get some relief. Not because I necessary felt better, but because I would go to sleep at 7:30 every night just so I didn't have to feel nauseous! Anyways, now that I am almost 17 weeks I think I am finally feeling better (fingers crossed)!
Well, if I didn't have the typical every symptom in the book pregnancy, as is, last Wednesday I had my normal 16 week appointment. My appointment was at 4:15 that day, but around 2:15 I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom really bad ( nothing out of the ordinary for me these days) but when I went the bathroom ( without getting in to much detail) I had some bleeding. I of course freaked out, because they always tell you that any blood during a pregnancy is not normal, so initially I think something horrible is going wrong. But of course, being a teacher I had to go back to class and pretend that everything was fine until school was over. ( I have realized that teaching while your pregnant is really not very ideal)
Once my students were out my door, I was out the door! I left for my appointment as quick as I could! Trying to walk through a hallway of kids and teachers and put a smile on your face, when you are falling apart inside is not easy. When I was finally to my car I of course call my husband asap. I have to tell you, I wish I was more like my husband. He is so calm, and encouraging in stressful situations. I have been through a lot in my life, and no matter what the situation that was happening to us, he always stays calm. Even if the outcome was life changing in a good way or horrible way, he was there, calm and reminding me that everything, no matter what was going to be okay. And you know what? It has been okay. No matter what. Just like he said.
As I got to my doctors appointment (Nick wasn't there yet), they called me back, and I was shaking horribly. I was nervous, scared and hopeful. As I got into my room, the nurse took my blood pressure and then was ready to put the doppler on my belly. As she put it on, she went over my stomach a few times. I thought I heard the heartbeat a few times but she kept moving it. So I of course got nervous, until she said, " There it is, nice and strong" FEW!! I was so relieved. As she left, my doctor walked in. She immediately asked me how I was doing, like she always does. Well this time I said " Not so good" and she looked at me with worry in her eyes. So I told he what had happened, and to make a long story somewhat short, lol she checked me, and then got me into an ultrasound just to make sure everything was okay.
So that is why I got an ultrasound at my 16 week appointment! Our sweet baby was just fine and everything else looked great! He just wanted to keep us on our toes. I still do not know why I had a little bleeding, but I have had none since, and plan on not having any more! I am just so thankful my sweet Luke is healthy! that is all a Mama can ask for!
So because of all this, I have a question for all you Mama's out there? How do you get through almost 10 months of your pregnancy without worrying every second about your sweet baby inside of you? I have faith in God that he is protecting me and Luke and that he already has both of our lives planned out, and that it is all in his hands, but how on a day to day basis do I tell myself, stop worrying and let God take control? I believe with everything inside of me that God is the Author of my life and is writing this incredible story, but why then is it still so hard? Do I not have enough faith or trust? Am I relying too much on my own comforts and not enough on God? I know I am not the only person that has worried about their child. I know that it has JUST begun, and I have a lifetime of worrying to go through with this sweet boy! I just love him so much already and can't wait to meet him and love him more than I can even imagine!
Worrying is something I have always had issues with. What are some ways you control worrying and how to let the little things go? I am curious to know?
Hope everyone had a great Tuesday!
~Breanna
I like reading your blog. I feel like you express yourself really well in your writing. I love you Sister! :-)
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