5 years ago tonight...

5 years ago tonight(9/25/11) I remember sleeping on the waiting room floor at the hospital. The doctor had given us one last hope that my mom could pull through, and that her stroke could reverse itself. It was going to take a miracle, but I was praying harder than I have ever prayed. I was clinging on to any hope I could get. I honestly had no idea how my life was about to change.............My mom died on September 26, 2006. I replay the moment in my head over and over again, It haunts me. It gives me chills. It makes my heart sink to the floor. The sounds, the room, everything...I will never forget. I had to leave the hospital without my mom. She had died. I remember sitting in the front seat of my car while Nick was driving me home (The rest of my family were in other cars). I sat there with a huge gift basket on my lap, crying. I had never experienced pain like that before. I spent almost every waking moment next to my moms side. Even so much that when she had stopped talking(from having a stroke) she would write to us on a notepad. One of the last things she wrote, was asking where I was. Even up until her very last few days of her life, she was worrying about me. She knew that I was probably beside myself and she wanted to make sure that I was okay. I love that thought, but it also makes me so sad. The last words that I got from my mom were written on a piece of paper :( . I hate that I lost my mom when I was 21 years. I hate that I don't get to have any new memories with her. But I LOVE that I got to spend 21 wonderful years with her and that she gave me more memories in my 21 years than some people get in a life time. I still wonder and ask why she had to die. But God has a bigger plan and he knew what he was doing. Life is tough, and you just have to get up the next day and figure out how to go on. Even when it seems impossible.......