Random Thoughts Thursday

So I was trying to think of a blog topic and I couldn't come up with anything remotly good, so I thought I would just write down my random thoughts!





Here goes:





~I have not been feeling very well lately. I have been really dizzy and weak. My whole body ached and my spine has been killing me. I went to the ER last Thursday because I just didn't feel right. Long story and expensive bills later....I have no idea what is wrong with me. I am thinking it is a hormone imbalance becuase I just stopped breastfeeding..Any other Mama out there have those symptoms?Ugh! I have to say that in the last 2 days I have felt a little better...thank God! It is hard to function when you feel like you are in your own world!





~I have decided that my health needs to be one of my main priorities in my life. I want Luke to grow up in a healthy, happy home and the only way I can make sure of that is if I am living that way. I don't want to look back on Luke's childhood and not have the energy to keep up with him and not have pictures of me and him because I don't like how I look in pictures. I do not want to instill (sp) self doubt and bad body images to my children. I need to be happy with myself before I can teach my kid(s) to be happy with themselves. Being a parent has so many responsibilites and I want to do my very best!





~The 10 year anniversary of 9/11 was last Sunday. I can't believe it has been 10 years. So unreal. It was also my 26th birthday. It is funny how the older you get, your birthday really does feels like just a regular day. I had a very nice day though. I am blessed and felt loved!





~ Luke is sleeping through the night...almost! A part of me doesn't want to write this because I may jinx myself, but for my blog sake, he is! He is only waking up once at around 3 to eat and then he goes back to sleep. It is glorious! More on him later, becuase my sweet little baby is growing like a weed and is going to be....GULP....6 months old on Saturday!! ahh where has the time gone?!?





~School is exhausting! My heart still aches to be home with Luke, but I am learing to really enjoy my days with my students. We are having to move locations of our school the first week of October....so the blood, sweat and tears that went in to getting my class together in July, will all be taken down and then put back up in my new classroom. I can't even think about this right now, it stresses me out!





~I really want to start making croc pot dinners. Do you have any good recipes you want to share with me? As a wife I really want to be better at providing my hubby a good meal before he leaves for work everyday, and croc pot meals sound like they could be the easiest method for me!





~I am really looking forward to Fall. It is one of my favorite times of the year! I can't wait to decorate and I have to admit I already have my yummy smelling candles lit!

Happy Thrusday!

~Breanna

She's not here...

Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 57 years young! For the first 21 years of my life it was a day of celebration. Celebrating her birth and the many years to follow. For the past 5 years we have had to celebrate her birthday without her, missing her presence in our lives. Sometimes it still seems so unreal. I ask myself some days, "is she really gone?" " Am I really living my life without my mom?" It still hurts deep into my bones. I still have moments when I ache for my mom. Time makes things hurt a little less on a daily basis, but that doesn't mean the moments when you break down and gasp for air because you miss them so much don't happen.They do.

I hate that my mom is not here to be a grandma. She has 4 beautiful grandchildren that she never got to meet. That is when I start to question again, "why did she not get to meet them? Why was she taken from us so young?" Those are questions I will have until the day I get to ask God myself. I do have the comfort in knowing that God knows best, and he took my mom for a reason and she is in the best place we will ever be. Thank you God for giving me that comfort.

I look at Luke and it makes me realize how much a mother loves their child(ren). You never truly know how much your parents love you until you become a parent yourself. It is unexplainable. I am so grateful that my mom left such a great example for us. I am a better mom becuase of her. I wish I could tell her all of these things, and I know she is looking down on all of us, smiling. I just wish I could talk to her, tell her stories. See her hold Luke and love on him. I miss her voice, her smile and the sound of her flip flops as she is walking. There is so much I miss and so much that I will forever hold in my heart.

Today is my moms birthday and I am celebrating her life.

Struggling...

I always feel like I have so many blog topics I want to write about and usually plan to write daily, but then my day ends and I am so exhausted. By the time Luke goes to bed I am done!! I want my blog to reflect my life and for me to remember all of the wonderful things that happen in my life. I have a blessed and happy life, but things right now are a little tough.

I am still struggling being back at work and not home with Luke. I get better every day, but I still long to be home with him. I love teaching, but I find myself not enjoying it as much as I should because my heart is somewhere else. I give all of my energy into teaching, and all of my energy into being a mom. I am T.I.R.E.D.

I miss my husband. He changed his work schedule to stay home with Luke during the day and then he goes to work at night. It is such a blessing, but he is so tired. I feel like we are more like roomates than husband and wife. He is tired, I am tired. Things are just hard right now. We NEED a date night asap! Any takers?!? (just kidding....kinda)

I miss breastfeeding Luke. I am struggling with this one REALLY bad. I long for the time spent with him doing something only I could do! I miss it and I can't get it back and I am so sad. Being a teacher is great, but the schedule is demanding and I only have one break a day. One break a day=milk supply gone. I still get so emotional about this. I almost can't get past the fact that I am done. I know this is not the end of the world, but it doesn't make it easier to go to work everyday knowing that my job has stopped me from breastfeeding. ( I tried everything to keep my supply up, it just wasn't working anymore) I know that it will get easier and I will probably laugh about how emotional I am about this, but again I am tired, and tired Breanna=extra emotional.

I didn't want this post to come off that I am not grateful for my life because God knows I am! So blessed! Luke is the most amazing gift I could have ever recieved and Nick is such a great partner to be going through this crazy life with.

I do feel that it is okay to feel a little beat up from time to time. I know that this is just a season of our life and pretty soon I will look back and be thankful for these harder times and appreciate them even more than I do today.

Thanks for listening to my gibber jabber. Sometimes it is just nice to get it off your chest.

Happy Tuesday! Only 2 more days of school this week!! Yay for 4 day weekends!

~Breanna

First Tooth!

Luke,

Your first tooth came in today! (8-22-11) You are such a big boy!

Mama's attempt to getting a tooth picture...didn't work out so well. All I had was my iphone and you just wanted to eat my hand :) I love this picture though, it makes me laugh!You have found your toes!! You bring them to your mouth and try to suck on them...cute/gross!You love sucking on cold wash cloths. It must feel good to those little gummies!I love when you suck on your fingers. You make loud sucking noises. Adorable!!

Here is a little photo booth app from my phone. You were sucking on my hand. I love you!

Oh how you are growing my sweet baby. I love you more than you know!

~Mama

luke, You are 5 months old!

I am 4 days late on this post, but better late than never right?

Luke,

You are 5 months old today (8/17/11)! I can't believe how much you are growing and changing!

Here is what you are up to:

~I am guessing you weigh about 18ish pounds! You weighed 17.3 pounds last month so I am just guessing you are in the 18 pound range now!

~ You are so tall!! I think I wrote in your last post that the doctor thinks you are going to be so tall! I don't doubt it. Everything I buy you that is supposed to be pants on you come up to your calf! It makes me laugh. I call them your capris. Dad doesn't like that term :)

~You are rolling like a mad man! I set you down and off you go! still only towards the left side, but you got it down my love!

~You started on rice cereal at 4 months and you weren't too sure about it at first, but then you started to really like it. I just switched you to oatmeal and you LOVE it!! You look so big in your high chair!

~You are such a happy baby! You really only cry when you are hungry, tired or don't feel well!

~You are teething like crazy! You drool all day long, your hands are in your mouth constantly and you love chewing on wet wash cloths. I keep hearing about this Sophie the Giraffe toy to get you for teething, so I may need to invest in that! You poor thing have been teething for months now! But no teeth yet!

~You are starting to sit up a little bit and it only lasts a few seconds before you fall forward or to the sides. You are so strong though! You will sit up soon and in your own time!

~You are still spending your days with Daddy and then with Auntie Britt and Stella! I am so blessed that you are taken such good care of while I am at work! Daddy adores the time with you and you love going over to Britt and Stella's twice a week!

~You still are not a very good napper! You sleep for only about 30min-45 min every 2 hours or so! You are our little cat napper!

~You are sleeping pretty well at night! You go to bed between 8 and 8:30 and then sleep until about 2. I usually feed you then and you go right back to sleep! but then you are up again at about 4:45 and then fall back asleep until 8am ish!

~You "talk" so much! I Love hearing your sweet little babbles!

~Your eyes are getting darker and darker and your hair is coming in a little lighter!

~You are an official tummy sleeper. You sleep your best on your tummy and we have come to terms that you are just fine sleeping that way!

~ Sadly, breast feeding you is coming to an end. Mommy only gets one break a day at school and that is not enough to keep my suppy going for you. I am very sad about this and have cried many tears over it, but you are healthy and happy and being on formula is not that the worse thing in the world. I will just miss the bonding time with you that only you and I shared...ahh tears are flowing as I am writing this! 5 months was a good run, and am glad I could do it for that long!

~You love to grab faces when people are holding you! It is so cute! It is like you are trying to get as close as you can and take everything in!

Well sweet pea, It has been such an amazing 5 months with you. Daddy and I can't imagine life without you, and feel so blessed by you. I can't even begin to explain the love I have for you. Thank you for being such a sweet boy. I adore you!

Love,

Mama

Where do the weekends go?

I feel myself repeating this every time I haven't blogged in a while, but I promise I will do better! I started back at work a couple weeks ago, so blogging has taken the back burner! I am going to do my best to write a couple of posts a week!

Today is Sunday, and the weekend has flown by! They always do! I will hopefully be back this afternoon to continue on my "Girlfrinds" post and of course post a few pics of my sweet boy!

Enjoy your Sunday!!

Luke is 4 months old!!

Oh my baby, you are 4 months old!!!

Luke,

I'm pretty sure you get cuter and cuter every day! I am so beyond blessed by you!

What you are up to:

~You weigh 17.4lbs which is in the 93% and are 27.5 inches long, which is in the 99%. You are a big,tall boy!!

~We transfered you to your crib, and it's taking some time for you to get used to!

~You have officially rolled over! You only roll from your back to tummy, and only towards your left side! It's super cute, and the minute I put you down on the floor you immediately roll over.

~ The problem with the above ^^^ is now when you are in your crib you flip to your tummy! I can't keep you on you back anymore! I have been told though that once you can flip over you should be fine sleeping on your stomach...but it still makes me nervous!

~We are going to try a little rice cereal today...I will blog about that separately!

~You are "talking" like crazy. I love hearing your sweet little coos! I think it is so sweet when I am driving and all I hear in the back is your little voice! ~You are the king of cat naps!! You don't sleep longer than 30 minutes during the day. I am not kidding...30 minutes to the T!! You take a little nap about every 2 hours, but now that daddy will be home with you during the day(and then having to work at night), hopefully your naps will turn into either one or two longer naps(so daddy can nap too)....we will see!

~I am going back to work tomorrow.....:( I love teaching and all, but I am so sad to leave you!! I am glad daddy will be home with you, but I will miss spending my days with you :(

~Your eyes are still a dark dark blue.....

~You are wearing a size 3 diaper

~Your hair is starting to come in a little lighter, I still think you are going to be a blondie!

~You love to stand! When you are laying down and we grab your fingers, instead of rising and sitting you automatically stand! You are so big and strong!

~Your pediatrician is guessing that you will be about 6'4'' as a grown adult! Wow!

~You are going to be spending two days a week at Auntie Britt and cousin Stella's!! You always have such a good time with them, and we are so blessed that they are whiling to watch you those days!

~You still eat about every 2 hours. You are hungry all day long. For the last couple of weeks you have gotten up at night almost every 3 hours to eat! It's exhausting! I know this is just a small "bump" in the road, and it will pass! ( I have no idea why this section is black, sorry)

~You drool so much and those hands are in your mouth all day long! The pediatrician said that your gums are swollen, so teething is upon us!

~You smile and squeal so much! I love it! You do giggle once in a while too! Music to our ears!

~You are grabbing things in front of you like crazy!! I love watching your eye- hand coordination!

What are you looking at, Mom?

Well lovey, another month has passed and I can't imaging life without you!! I look forward to the next month and to see all the new things you learn. Your Daddy and I love you more than anything.

Love,

Mama